Avoiding Red Flags to Get Better in Bed


Being sexually adventurous can be a good thing. There are many benefits to adding variety into your sexual routine. But sometimes the advice you find online, in magazines, or see and hear on tv can lead you down a bad path. Not all advice is good advice. Some of take heed to something we heard, try it out and it just doesn’t work out. And some of those things can be huge turn offs in bed.

No one wants to be known as a person who is bad in bed. Sexual prowess and skill is important to the male ego. Every guy wants to be virile and vital. They want to be healthy and skilled in bed to show that they’re a worthy partner and mate. So you’re going to want to avoid the bad advice that’s out there. Follow some good basics. And avoid the general major turn offs out there.

One important note before we get started. Not every general turn off is necessarily a turn off for your partner. A great way to get a good reputation in bed is to make sure that you’re not just reading up on advice articles and that you’re actually listening to your partner. And in that I don’t mean just physically hearing what they have to say — though that’s good too. Make sure you’re “reading” them. Pay attention to their physical responses to the different things that you try out. See if they like it. Try to cut through the noise and find the things that drive her wild. That’s the fastest way to becoming a dynamo in the sack for her. And get good enough and word might start spreading around.

So one of the biggest red flags for someone that is bad in bed is talking too much.

You don’t want to be a chatterbox.  Communication is key in any relationship obviously. And I doubt we’re talking about dirty talk here. The problem is when you’re poking her, prodding her, even hounding her about how everything feels. Is she getting close? Is this working? Is that getting you closer?

You’re being attentive — sure — but you’re also killing the mood. You’re distracting from the end goal — getting off. Flow and rhythm are both important to the female orgasm. And living in the moment and going with it are both key to more pleasurable and intense sex. If you’re constantly stopping and starting things to check in on her, then you’re actually doing her and you a disservice and totally killing the mood. It also displays a lack of confidence in your own skills, which, I’m afraid, is not very attractive on a guy.

As stated previously though — you do still need communication. But there are better ways than hounding her about how everything feels. You just need to be caring and attentive, responsive to how she’s feeling and what she’s doing. Listen to her body. There are key things that will happen to let you know that what you’re doing are working. There are obvious signs that you don’t need to really decode — like increased lubrication, moaning, heavy breathing. But there are others that you should look for too even before those can kick in.

Make sure you pay attention to her body.

Just playing attention to her body temperature can be huge. An increase in body temperature can indicate arousal. Pay attention to the little hairs on the back of her neck, her arms, etc. They’ll raise and stand on end. Goosebumps are another indicator that things are going well.

Being a good communicator also means being in it for more than just yourself. If you’re worried  about being labeled as bad in bed, you need to do more than just make sure that you’re getting yourself off. You need to be worrying about her pleasure too. The male orgasm occurs something like 90% of the time when having sex. The female orgasm is a lot less likely to happen, though it does still happen a majority of the time. You’re going to get there anyway. If you want to be known as good in bed, you need to make sure that she gets there too. Be an unselfish lover. Don’t let your pleasure go totally ignored, and make sure you’re putting in the work because she’ll make sure that you get rewarded. It’s a give and take between the two of you.

Another good first step is to be adventurous.

You’ll want to make sure that you’re communicating your intentions with her and be on the level. But adding some variety and spice in the bedroom can be a great way to have a positive effect on your sex life.

The things on the list of red flags of someone who is bad in bed that follow closely are all interrelated. They come down to a lack of passion in bed. No one wants a cold fish. They don’t want you to just lie there and let everything happen to you. While there are times where a woman wants to be in charge, there needs to be some give and take. Even if you’re not on top, you should be moving your body to match her rhythm. Finding something to do with your hands to guide her. Show her that you’re into it. It’ll be beneficial for both of you.

So, how can you make sure that you avoid those turn offs. Be passionate. Be attentive. And work at it.

What the data empirically shows is that in order to be a better lover, you need to avoid being a cold fish. Get into it with her. Make sure you’re a good communicator, but don’t talk too much and don’t ask too many questions. It’s a balancing act that you’re going to have to work at to get just right. But put in the work and you’ll at least show that you’re not lazy. You’ll show that you care and that you want to get better. And that’s a huge step in the right direction.